sembreak na

a lousy mouse
a straining position
11:00 pm
cellphone - alarm time: 5:30
the seconds of the clock ticking
Wolfgang sings in my head
thinking for something, some words, some letters where my fingers would lay
toothbrush beside me
the sink calling me
the bed yearning for me
my eyes pulled towards each other
where can i lay my restless head, restless hand?
porn sites lingering, awaiting for the white arrow

HAHAHA

am i suffering from DEMENTIA?( i don't even know what this word means, at least it
sounds
battered,
abused,
fucked :)

no plans for sembreak yet but STILL not too late

i wish i would dream about you again! be there. please. i miss you. you're prettier than Megan Fox.

oi JED! pabasa naman ng blog mo.. nakaPRIVATE ka kaya.

Baha sa Baguio

woohhh.. blogging nanaman. titwaa!

Wolfgang

recently, i downloaded the discography of Wolfgang. i was overwhelmed by their song Atomica. i cant imagine how these people sounded like gods. damn gods. rock gods. i cant help but compare them against today's music.

emo. funk. alternative.

shit. tae. basura. they dont pay respect to the rock gods who paved the way of solid rock and roll. that does not only concern their music alone but more so.. their lyrics. wolfgang is really a legend. and they would always be. i dont care if other people would label me decadent or limited because they rock my brain, my soul, my body, my shit. damn it. they're fucking good.

On Writing

recently, again.. i read a website http://languageisavirus.com. i searched for the styles in writing because i want to improve, lagyan ng laman at style ang aking mga compositions.. but i was astonished about what i saw. there are no definite styles in writing. what is important is the ability of the writer to express his thoughts, emotions, and ideas. regardless of the way how it is told as long as it could be comprehensible. it's okay. pwede na sa youngblood.. toink!

and this is what i want in language. language is already a limitation. and why do the fucking english teachers still filter the ideas translated to flesh in papers. this is a free country! why would you like us to answer the questions you ask if you already know the answer. and the answer you know is what you would like to see in your fucking exams. damn you. everyone is a unique individual. we have different thoughts and ideas. moreover, different point-of-views!

another thing, there is a tendency for me, actually it is not a tendency but it is a disease. i hate reading again what i have written. shit. i hate that attitude. i dont learn from my mistakes anymore. grrrr. i hate that. :(

that is why i am always shocked when i read my compositions again.. it is as if they were written by another job who is in a seance.

tama na siguro to.. hanggang sa muli!

ang saranggola ni pepe

dahil ngayon ay Agosto pa, hayaan niyo akong magblog ng wikang Filipino, ang wikang pinakamalapit sa ating lahat.

buwan ng agosto - buwan ng wika..

ngunit hindi para sa akin!
it was a busy month for me.

nagsimula ang buwan sa pinakamadugong exams na aking naranasan sa satanang buong buhay ko. hindi ko inaasahang me chemistry pala kami - ang aking pinakasusuklam na subject. meron rin kaming exam sa salvation history.. kahit na ito ay masaya, very objective naman ang naging exams namin dito. never ko pang nagustuhan ang memory exams. daig ko pa ang may alzheimer's sa memorya. ito ay hindi dahil mahina ang aking memory, ngunit mahina ang aking determinasyon upang magaral. parati kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na ang pinakamababang sangay ng intellect ay ang rote memory. (mabuhay ang mga gurong naniniwala sa prinsipyong ito, sana naging guro ko na lang kayo!) magagawa ng isang bata ang magmemorize ng sangkatutak na linya sa isang tula. kung totoo nga ito, anong pinagkaiba nating college students sa kanila???

shemay, nakaasar.
sabi nila repetition is the proof of understanding.. sino bang toklats ang nagsabi nun? tama nga naman. pero, hindi indicated dun na repetition na word-by-word. sa reasoning pa rin ako saludo! thinking. reasoning. ito ang nagbibigay ng kaluluwa sa mga ideya ng isang studyante. magagawa ng isang studyante na matapos ang pagaaral ng hindi ito gamitin, pero naging tapat nga ba siya sa tawag ng liwanag, ng talino, ng dignidad ng tao - ang pagiisip? sa aking reliazation na ito, sana nawa ay maisip ko na mahalaga ang mga exams na ito at hindi magrason ng magrason na me mga bagay na hindi importante at not-worth-studying subjects.. pinagaaral ako ng mga magulang ko at wasto lamang na bigyan ko ang dignidad ng kanilang paghihirap sa pagbibigay ng lahat ng aking makakaya ang mga exams na ito.

sinapak nanaman ako ng pananaw ng nanay ko..
"ang pagsisisi pa rin ay nasa huli." ngayon nagsisisi pa rin ako sa mga ginawa ko sa recent exams. nagsisisi rin ako kung bakit ako nagsisisi dahil tapos na rin lamang ang exams at wala na akong magagawa.. marahil meron pa, me revalida pa naman eh. whew. kaya nga astig bumagsak eh, natutunan ng taong muling tumayo. wahahaha.

august 1, 2009 - guess who?
dilaw na araw, tila parang may hepatitis ang lahat ng tao. sa bagay, nakidalamhati sila sa pagkamatay ng isang taong di ko lubusang kilala. ang inquirer rin ay nagkulay yellow na mahigit na isang linggo.. sana meron pa ring taong tumatawag sa mga pilipino na magkaisa.. napakaganda nga naman talaga ang makita ang mga taong magkumpol kumpol at sumisigaw ng isang kalooban. makapanindig balahibo ring makita ang mga pilipino na tumatayo pa rin para sa kanilang paninindigan sa dapat na iparating ng totoong demokrasya.. tila kay sarap pakinggan ang iisang boses ng taong sumisigaw ng kapayapaan at pagmamahalan.

me kadugtong pa ito..

wowow

before making this blog, the author sat on the porch outside the computer shop sending up a fag. he saw a girl beside him undressing her pants and slowly a yellowish liquid dripped under the girl. dropping her jaw, she saw the author.. reaching for the smoke in awe. she is not a chick nor a fool. she's a two-year old girl.

awe is the beginning of philosophy. that is why if toddlers were reasonable enough, they could have been the greatest philosophers in the 3rd planet called earth. why? because they are always amazed of the things around them. how many people are amazed when it rains? all of the students maybe coz classes are postponed. but who would give a damn in reflecting how wonderful is the rain. tiny droplets one-by-one drop to the earth in a synchronize movement.. that out from the atmosphere water could be made. from these, one could doubt why the does not the rain come down in a big splash instead of tiny droplets? why does it taste like the tap water.. not coke?

as men grow old, awe is brainwashed from their minds. why? because one is afraid to look into the mysteries of life itself.

one says that awe is just for kids.

now, think again. awe will lead one to authentic living.

Transporter

i watched Transporter 1 to 3 lately.

for those who dont know the movie. the movie goes like this.. monsieur frank(jason statham) was a retired military general. he was literally tired of working for his country because the people whom he served turned out to be the bad guys. because of that he became a transporter. a medium for bad guys to transport their "packages."

what i am trying to point out here is that frank lives his life by rules. whenever he broke those rules.. he becomes involved in the crime. eventually, he solves the crime by using the same rules.

i will never forget the wisdom of the seminary fathers taught to us like a prayer. "keep the rules and the rules will keep you." true enough. not only in the seminary but to the whole world respectively.

what is the law of life? simple.. do good; detest what is evil.

the reason why people do what is evil is that it gives one a short-time happiness, fulfillment, and joy; And the reason why people dont do what is right is that people dont give them the reason to do so.

i have never thought of writing the above pharagraph.. but it came out of my head like a mushroom. dont worry, i will ponder upon it more. hahaha. pasensya na lang.

the world is just amazing

im gonna make this blog in respect to the world. actually i missed blogging so much. thoughts are teeming in my head but laziness take them away. that is why i am left with these thoughts but they are good.(i think so.)

now i am in a computer shop paying 10 pesos for the half hour of blogging. i could have never imaged myself spending 10(amount equal to 5 sticks) just to blog. i am running out of money by the way. SHIT! im putting too many "I" here. i hate it.

from the past days i have been drinking hard and inhaling hard too. i just love these combination. i leave our house at 4 and sleep wherever my feet would lead me. i wake up at 5am and go to our house. the ride to our house is terrific. it is fucking awesome. believe me.

the world is just AMAZING!

why? gazillions of people live today and people meet another exactly unknown to him/her. the cars, how do they work? the internet? the letters from my mind are now written to the net now being read by you! the alcohol? who made it.. how did the maker find out how it benefited humankind. the cigar? the fag that it produces simply make things wonderful.. the sunlight from heaven.. the stars.. the music made by inspired people.. the people laughing.. the dogs barking..

i just cant put into words how it is damn good.. and people only need to realize the fact that we are made in the image and likeness of God. we are God's sons and daughters! oh come on, live that identity.. be good! (even the cockroaches can do good.. it was the cause of Baygon Corp.)

"ok two minutes na lang po.."

shit asa mood pa naman ako mag blog..

:)

Happy Easter!

thank God it is Easter.

the Easter Tridium for me was the saddest days of the Church. my thoughts of committing suicide were teeming. i could not bare to stomach how sinful the world is. i could not accept the fact that we have done nothing compared to what Jesus Christ has done. and yet, he is a God. a supreme God. the LORD of lords. the ULTIMATE.

pero, di namamatay ang bida..

namatay nga si Jesus temporarily pero nabuhay ulit! parang sinuspense lang tayo, diba?

that is why, the church teaches not that we are sinful the reality of sin. but of the universal salvation that Christ has suffered for us because he loves us so much; and our salvation is not dead but it is a living tradition through the Risen Christ.

how do we apply these in our living?

it is also by resurrection. we resurrect from our old ways, from our sufferings and struggles against sin and the cross, we rise up and gloriously face the world with a new perspective, that is, LOVE.

LOVE that conquers all! even death will not set us apart from Jesus.

H A P P Y E A S T E R!
mabuhay si Hesus.

Ultimate

nurses become nurses for greener pastures.
accountants become accountants for greener pastures.
engineers become engineers for greener pastures.
(though, it is sad but true)presidents become presidents for greener pastures.

philosophers become philosophers for enlightened pastures

many of us are enslaved by the mighty faces of money. most of the times we no longer use money to buy goods for ourselves but we use money to buy ourselves for goods. (i hope you get what i mean. :) and this is the reason why i want to make this post. though i pretty know that i could not be read by mankind. i only hope that in this simple words of mine i could express myself and my views of the situations around us.

at the start of the school year 2008-2009, i was very excited to enroll the subject philosophy knowing that it is the course taken by priest-wanna-bes. it never occurred in my mind that philosophy would unravel before me the potentiality of my being as a human person. i have never thought of philosophy as the systematic study of all beings in their ultimate causes and principles by the use of human reason alone. i have never pondered about the fact that we are all philosophers because all human persons are thinking beings. and the only resume needed for being a philosopher is human reason. however i was very sad when i found out that only few persons are taking up this course. most of the schools are now closing the philosophy classrooms. it is because a philosopher becomes a tambay after receiving his/her diploma. a philosopher ends up teaching in schools where they get the average salary.

the only consolation for philosophers is that they are thinking. they unravel to themselves the mysteries of life. they glorify their souls by thinking. by the way, the bottom line of all things is thinking, reasoning. nothing else matters.

it is ultimate.

...because philosophy digs the ultimate reason of things. the why? of all things. doctors examine and cure people but they don't know why they do those. they do not know the purpose of life. science for me is very shallow compared to philosophy. but science and philosophy work hand on hand in paving our way to knowing our authentic selves and our purpose here on earth.

:)

going against the flow

"an unexamined life is not worth living."

have you ever thought of a probability of you just being in a deep sleep? that all that happens to you is just a dream? there is no existence really? that you are just in the mind of God? how could you be sure that you are an existing being?

the above quotation is one of the most renowned words of wisdom of Socrates. the master philosopher of the ancient period. he has thought that knowing what is in the world, what consists of the world(like the scientists are doing now) are a waste of time. a lot of people nowadays would just go with the flow of human race. the environment dictates what must one do. if one does not do this and that he/she would be excommunicated from the community. a lot of people nowadays just survive but not live. a lot of people nowadays could not stop for awhile and think of life as a gift from god. most of the people nowadays eat money. money. and still money. they are just concerned in living. eating, working, shitting. what good does that do?

there are words that when you spell them backwards they would give you a new word. one of those words is live.. try to spell it backwards? L-I-V-E when spelled backwards is??? E-V-I-L! another word, L-I-V-E-D.. = DEVIL. when life is not lived it is taken away by the devil. when you live a routinary and a "circle" kind of life. it is better that you live not! but the question is how to live a life?

i have recently watched an animated movie entitled Wall-E. it won the Oscars by the way. it's setting is in a new world created by man in which everything is automated. all you have to do is sit and poof! everything is done by robots.. (someday, this would be our fate!) it is a place where all people are fat. and then they have seen life again in the planet earth! Eureka! they went back to earth and explored new vistas in living a life. a life that is HARD. a life that is DIFFICULT. remember that. life's synonym is suffering! whether you like it or you like it not, life is a struggle. that is what Jesus Christ has shown us when He died on the Cross. We must endure all sufferings so that we would be resurrected with Him in Heaven.

We must swim against the current so that our true potentiality will truly come out and because of the we may radiate our true selves!

Think again! have you lived your life?

save trees - say NO to exams!

NO CLASSES FOR TODAY!

(claps and shouts from the gallery)

i am pretty sure the mall would be jam-packed with a sea of uniformed lackadaisical nincompoop.

Have you ever wondered whether Socrates has gone to school? if Julius Caesar even attended one of his classes (if there were?) NO!, are they?
the first 12 apostles became the first fathers of the church with only one prayer taught to them, i. e., Our Father!

so, why the hell do we need to damn attend this fucking school?! argh.. common, students lets unite!

however, i have already accepted the fact that even we publish a library of books containing our voicing out of "no to school". we would always wake up at 5:30, dress up and go (unfortunately) to school. but what keeps us going back to school? is it our friends? sexy friends? the freedom? the nice teachers? the culture? the cheating? the acceptance? yes. maybe one of those! but what is the thing that keeps us going back to this hell is that (unconsciously) we want to know something.. it is the unrestricted drive of the human person to know all things. it is the mind that has more than zillion of terabytes that could contain thousands of hectares of books; and this has set man apart from all other creatures of the universe. it is that man thinks and he is a rational being. Socrates could not have gone to school but he devised his own ways so that he may be able to know. Gusto nating matuto.. it is our want to open that pandora's box and see the wisdom that is hibernated in it.

because of the above thoughts i am always motivated to study..

for you and me.. going to school is the birthright of all human persons. if you don't go to school, you may join your dog in his cage..

Putang Ina

Bitch, Motherfucker, Son-of-a-Bitch, Putang-Ina, Cunt ... these are but few of the gazillions words used against women.

but the question is still reverbing in my mind: "Are women humans?"

in all of the movies i have watched women are always confronted, abused, and maltreated. do they have right really? yes, they have but often times it is the animal right.. they always appear the weak. parents even despise their daughter because they say, "she will not carry with her the name of our family, so who is she?" actually, i begin to pity women.

for me, they represent the beauty of the world, the creativity of God. (though, i am not a sexist.) i believe that she is from the rib of man, specifically, the side of man. that means that she was not taken from the head that she is greater than men nor she was taken from the foot that she is subordinate to man. she was taken from the side, i.e., she must live side by side with men.

truly, it has been she who was the culprit of men's Marvel

sex is a four-letter-word

everybody loves the three-letter-word, sex.(oh common, don't be naive!)
if not sex-in-action, maybe pornography..
if not porn, the common solitary sin.

yeah, it is an abused language but it is true!
sex has been the lay man's term.
it gives pleasure, satisfaction, ecstasy.. (yeah, everybody loves these words.)

however, sex is for those who wear a wedding ring alone.
in this context, sex would be a foretaste of heaven.
there are priests who require sex to couples because it is where you can
temporary feel heaven. the utmost ecstasy that you will ever feel.
truly an indescribable experience!
there are three stages of sex:

1. carnal sex
2. mutual sex
3. transcendental sex

in the last stage, sex will become a four-letter-word..
i.e., LOVE

why so serious?

the above line was said by the awarded best supporting actor

in the film Dark Knight.. no other than Heth Ledger as joker!

today, we also celebrate Ash Wednesday.. it has been a week since we had our last vacation.

now, we are again here in the formation-house burdened with a ton of workloads(feb-march are the "Lent days" for students like me.)

many workaholics are also burning their candles just to stay in their jobs. america is now suffering a recession.

if people don't give a damn i am pretty sure their asses will surely be red because of so much kicks..

yet, this ash marked on our foreheads marked not only that we attended the ash wednesday mass but it represents humility..

"from dust we came, to dust we shall return.." literaly it is true! cause when we die we become one with the dust again.. reading between the lines, you will realize that it also speaks of humility. humility comes from the latin word "humus" which means sand. humility is the only way to holiness. pride keeps us away from God. proud men think that they have no sins. they are gods themseleves but the person who has an ash-cross marked on his\her forehead will surely be on his\her way to holiness.

we have all the means\reasons\allibies not to attend mass.. this day reminds us to stop and smell the roses.

Jesus Christ stopped being God-like and embraced the human sins. we are burdened by workloads\assignments\damn research papers in English\clearances.. i hate studying really! so, good news for us students! what i am trying to say is.. "why so serious?"

Cafe Du Marc

i dont know what the f*ck*ng meaning of the word above..

yeah.. CAFE! what i know is KAPE!
the above title is a well known luxurious coffee parlor here in Dagupan.
well, i am not an endorser of this place but i am overwhelmed by the the taste of its
irresistible coffee. i sipped some coffee there and felt like i was born with a silver spoon in my mouth(though it was a plastic straw in my mouth instead of a glistering spoon). a "BIG FISH", i was a "BIG FISH" for the moment.

yes! i am bragging..

Yet, at the back of my mind.. i was thinking of life merely as a matter of luck. if you were born with a bank account of P1,000,000.00, good for you! if you were born on a "banig", ohhh.. too bad! it is just a matter of chance. this leads to the most abused interrogative pronoun.. "WHY?"
sa lahat ng taong ginawa ng Diyos bakit AKO pa? bakit sila, mayaman.. ako, mahirap?

LIFE IS UNFAIR!

we can never choose of who can we become! it belongs to Someone. we just need to leave all these unchangeable facts to this Someone, someone greater than us.. GOD!
we are made like this. we cannot change that! however, we were given freewill to be able to change our lives. God started it all, we continue what He has willed.

GSM?, Red Horse?, or Novellino?

life is full of choices.

like chess, if you make the wrong move, you gonna regret it badly.

as the sun rises, you are dawned from making choices between waking up or still staying a minute more on your bed. one move makes a whole lot of difference. your life is always at stake with a single twitch in your head, your future depends on your discernment. from choosing what to drink... there are zillions of choices (i would rather prefer GSM.. why? coz.. "mas malayo ang mararating eh") life is only a matter of making the right choice; and it is either black or white.. no gray areas. if you made the move(booom!) stand up for it because a lot of people would hate you in making the right choice. moreover if that decision were the truth, they would throw you to the dogs exactly like what happened to st. Ignatius. honor your decision! who the hell cares really? it is yours..

before making a choice always listen to your conscience, your good conscience! it is the voice of God, the master of puppets.. we are the puppets. He is the one controlling us through the strings.. what makes the mystery is that we are living puppets! puppets who can control their own movements but still connected to the Puppeteer(i hope the spelling is correct or else J** would throw me to the dogs.)

listen to the white-winged-haloed guy.. not to the one with a big fork!
choose San Miguel!.. walang katulad eh..

remember.. He is the Master Of Puppets!

human-interfacing-robots

im a new member of BLOGGER.
how i loath that it is just now that i have registered in this fabulous website...
anyway, it does not matter at all.

my current thoughts:

i have just found out that Stephen King(the best fiction-writer in the universe) writes/reads 8 hours a day. he must at least finish 20,000 words a day(he must have been a hell of a writer...) yet, this inspired me a lot. i have been thinking lately of how our literature changed the course of history, moved mountains, freed the shackles of slavery, and made spontaneous breakthroughs. with a pen and a paper, writers could move a thousand people compared to the up-to-date computers.

How clever the human mind is.

moreover, this legacy would never stop. it is clearly manifested in this website. a lot of people search every means on how could they relate to others and tell their story hoping that they could be seen in the sea of eyes watching in front of those flat screen monitors. however, in the other side of the coin, these people gradually become "human-interfacing-robots" and later.. they would be robots themselves.

How clever the robotic mind is.

we are prone to privatization. we socialize with a non-responsive program. we become one with the metal. we are now cyborgs. how about our love for our neighbor? have we forgotten the 2nd greatest commandment?

of course YES! we always do.
(if you disagree, then you might be a living saint.)